Jeff Foxworthy Tribute

I'm not a huge fan, but it's about time that someone generated this list, so here it goes. You know your partner is a douchebag when:

1. He is doing pushups in the locker room to try and make his arms look buffed before the game.
2. He wears a side-panel shirt to be cool.
3. He gives you 5 things you did wrong in the first half, yet his rating is 20 spots below you.
4. His back/legs hurt so badly that he cannot cover the court, but he won't turn the game in.
5. His son/nephew is playing in the game.
6. He wants to spend 45 minutes giving you a pre-game because he has never worked with you before.
7. He talks about staying in your primary but calls in your area all night.
8. He changes your OOB call with a huge whistle and point without trying to talk to you first.
9. He uses the closed fist and a punch motion to call a charge in a men's game.
10. He takes being an R way to seriously and acts like an ass when he is not the R.
11. He comes over to you with 2 minutes left and says, "Pressure time, need to step up!"
12. He can dish out criticism, but gets defensive when he screws up.
13. He tells stories about whacking coaches, then takes abuse.
14. He makes a bad call, then T's the kid or coach.
15. He tells a coach to "sit down" and/or "shut up".
16. He actually enforces the seat belt rule.
17. He hasn't missed a call in years.
18. He has a rule wrong but is adamant that he has it right.
19. He drives to a travel game, but doesn't provide refreshments.
20. He tells you how bad somebody is, then grandstands about how great he is when he's standing there.
21. He thinks because he went to a camp he knows everything.
22. He calls goaltending from under the basket.
23. He lets a cheap shot go right in front of him without doing a thing.
24. He wants to go to the benches right at 2 minutes so he can kiss the coaches' asses for as long as possible.
25. He acts quiet and reserved with top officials, but is a loud know-it-all with peers.
26. He thinks he's getting screwed on his schedule.
27. He thinks where he is rated is that important.
28. He constantly lies about being the man/tough guy to try and make people think he's good.
29. He whines about his friends' ratings schedule instead of giving them honest feedback to make them better.
30. He thinks mentorship is showing up at 6:30 and sitting in the stands chatting for 30 minutes prior to dressing and saying "Everything looked great!"
31. He doesn't comprehend or even try to understand his weaknesses.
32. He talks about the old days that can never really be verified.
33. He blows his whistle and points when it is not his line.
34. He echoes your whistle to try and steal the call.
35. He says, "Yeah, if you didn't call that I would have," instead of, "Yeah, that was a good call, I should have gotten it, too, but I locked up on that one."
36. He thinks feedback as a tit-for-tat game.
37. He takes crew comments as a personal attack.
38. He won't admit a blatant mistake.
39. He cannot admit that an official with less experience can be better based on talent and work ethic.
40. He thinks rotations on backcourt fouls are really, really important to get exactly right, then butchers them.
41. He takes himself way too seriously and has to be the center of attention during the game.
42. He wears a sport coat and tie with jeans to a game.
43. He barely crosses half-court as a T, and is in pretty much the same position near half-court as C.
44. He doesn't flex--ever.
45. He goads a kid or a coach into a T, then gloats about it.
46. He begs coaches for games/ratings.
47. He has no clue that films clearly show mistakes to coaches. Sometimes over, and over, and over again.
48. He does things for self-interest when he knows it is 100% wrong.
49. He digs for compliments when they are unnecessary, or worse, unwarranted.
50. He thinks George Jackson actually knows something.

Merry Christmas, guys!